~ written by Connie Dunmyer
I probably spent 90% of my life thinking “if only”. . . .
If only I had not been so angry with my child. If only I wasn’t afraid of the water.
If only I had prayed more and slept less. If only I had gotten my eyes checked sooner.
If only I had finished college. If only I had reconciled sooner. If only I wasn’t so shy.
If only we hadn’t moved. If only I had kept my mouth shut.
If only I hadn’t had that second helping of chocolate cake. (And so on and so on.)
God has no “if onlys” … zip, zero, zilch, nil, nada.
God never makes a mistake. And here’s a biggie… God has no regrets (or regerts)… not even with me.
Does God only care about my “big things”? Or does He care about the “small things” in my life?
I asked that question today, not even realizing that God had already answered me in recent and long past studies. But somehow, TODAY, He showed me both. Which in and of itself actually answered my question.
Because what is a “big thing” vs a “small thing” anyway? I am literally made up of exciting, monumental experiences as well as the ordinary, mundane events of life. I carry regrets and delights.
And I was made for a purpose. Maybe one, or maybe multiple purposes. God alone knows.
Revelation 9:15 “So the four angels, who had been prepared for the hour, the day, the month, and the year, were released…”
God is VERY specific. That’s how I know He cares about the big things AND the small things. There are four angels who have ONE JOB… they have been prepared since the beginning of the world, for a specific hour of a specific day of a specific month of a specific year yet to come. And I bet they aren’t bemoaning any “if onlys”.
Let’s consider two women of the Bible: Esther and Ruth.
Esther is often used as a great example of God using one person to serve and save the purpose of an entire nation and people. And that is true, to be sure. The words of Mordecai to Esther ring loud as we consider them for ourselves: “And who knows but that you have come to your royal position for such a time as this?” (Esther 4:14). Clearly a BIG thing.
Ah yes… but she had a position… she had great beauty… she was married to a king for pete’s sake. “If only” I had those things, maybe I could have such a purpose.
Ok. So I will consider Ruth. I have thankfully never been widowed, but I think I can relate to her life struggles a bit more. Ruth’s husband died. And her mother-in-law tried to get her to go back and live with her own family. Now I don’t know what Ruth’s ‘own family’ was like, but she was not persuaded. Instead, she said the immortal words “Where you go I will go, and where you stay I will stay. Your people will be my people and your God my God.” (Ruth 1:16).
I hope you have or had a great mother-in-law. I aspire to be one. But I can tell you quite honestly, that is a conversation my mother-in-law and I would not have had. Then again, Ruth was clearly a better daughter-in-law than me. Frankly, I don’t think Naomi was particularly fun to be around either. “Naomi” means “sweetness and delight” but she changed it to “Mara” which means “bitter”. (So she had some issues.)
But in reading the full story of Ruth, even I can see God working in every single detail of what happened to her. The timing of things, the place she “just happened” to show up to gather leftovers, etc. It’s like a Hallmark movie. Truly.
And this poor destitute widow, living with her bitter mother-in-law becomes the great-grandmother of King David, and one of only four women listed in the genealogy of Jesus, the Messiah! Ok – this just got better than a Hallmark.
What if Ruth had lived her life in the shadow of her “if onlys”?
What if she, like her mother-in-law had changed her name and attitude to “bitter”?
She had good reasons. She had a right.
But God had a plan, a purpose. Even for this poor young foreigner.
And God has a plan for me…. God has a plan for you. No matter the “if onlys” in my life. No matter the “if onlys” in yours.
If you don’t believe me. Believe The Word. Believe Psalm 139.
2 You know when I sit and when I rise; you perceive my thoughts from afar.
4 Before a word is on my tongue you, Lord, know it completely.
13 For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother’s womb.
16 Your eyes saw my unformed body; all the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be.
These are some of my favorite verses to remind me that I am not alone. I am not a mistake. I am not without purpose. I am not living in the land of “if only”.
“If only” I would daily recognize that I am:
perfectly created, chosen, redeemed,
precious, adored, sung over,
ordained, purposed, renamed,
comforted, provided for, nurtured,
taught, led, and protected.
Let’s determine to focus on the God of specifics, the God of big things, the God of little things. And let’s “close the door” to all the “if onlys” that detract and distract us from the God of Ruth, the God of Esther, the God of Connie, the God of (your name here).
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© 2026: Connie F. Dunmyer, All Rights Reserved.