~ written by Connie Dunmyer
I’ve heard it said, and I have experienced it myself, that as we get older, we tend to be unable to sleep through the night. Even though studies show that the body requires 4 hours of sleep AND then the brain requires another 4 hours of sleep to regenerate – my mind continues to protest multiple nights a week. And so I tend to lay awake for 2 hours – thinking. (2 seems to be the magic-number). It doesn’t matter the topic. Whatever pops in, my brain seems to want to figure everything out – in every possible scenario.
I know this happens to men and women. However, I understand it better from the female perspective (since I am one.) I’ve mentioned before about one of the differences between men and women is that men’s brains tend to have “boxes”, “cubbies” or “rooms” (however you best define it.) A man likes to handle one thing at a time. He opens that box or room – deals with it – closes it – and move on. (I have always envied that attribute, by the way).
Women, on the other hand, were created slightly differently. Our brains are a bit more like spaghetti – everything is mixed up and swirled together and everything is touching everything else. So when one thought pops into my head, it leads to another and another and another, and "how does that affect my children", and "world peace", and the "weather", and "what about", and "what if" …. You get the idea.
If you are a woman, you totally get what I’m saying.
So the other night I fell asleep very nicely. I was in a good mood and feeling very peaceful. Then I woke up out of nowhere at 4AM. I hate the 4AM wake-up. It means that after thinking through a myriad of scenarios that will never happen and solving "all the world’s problems," except for mine, I will fall back to sleep right near the time I should be waking up. So that morning, even after coffee, I walked into my office, sat at my desk and I said to God “I am downcast”. It felt hard to breathe emotionally.
So I opened up my Bible expecting to continue in my study of Galatians 4, (which I’d been stuck on for days and days). And as I was finding my place, I literally read these words in verse 15:
“15 What happened to all your joy?”
I have to tell you, I was shocked. I did a double and a triple-take. For you see, I had been reading these same verses for the past few days and never once did I see those words before. God had talked back to me. I told the Father I was downcast. And He asked me “why – what happened to your joy?”
Reading these words in this way, at that time, was perfect. Because they said to me that the Father was sitting right here with me, having a conversation.
So I had to think about it. What did happen to my joy? I’ve been reading, hearing and even writing about joy. I’ve been contemplating it this Christmas season. I’d even been feeling it a bit here and there. But overall – I’d “lost my joy”. What happened to it?
It’s covered up. It’s buried. It’s hiding.
Now my spaghetti-brain is back to work. All of my thoughts in the night, in the day, my problems, my fears, my trying to figure everything out … are all covering my joy.
So I asked God: “How can I stop my brain from trying to figure everything out? To think this way is not faith – it’s not trust. I’m trying to figure things out for the future, when You’ve promised me daily light for my footsteps. I need for you to fix my brain.”
And immediately I was reminded that being female and having a spaghetti-brain – is not a bad thing. It doesn’t need “fixed”. In fact, this is part of God’s master-design. It’s not something I need to stop or fix.
Instead, what I needed to do was use it to my advantage. There is purpose in my spaghetti-brain.
Again – a new thought – which I believe to be from the Holy Spirit: "What I need is a good strand of spaghetti – woven through and touching all the others. . .
A 'Jesus-strand.'"
A single strand of spaghetti is called a “spaghetto”, coming from the word “spago” which means “little string”. Thus I need a “Jesus-spaghetto" to get all swirled up into my messy thoughts. I need that “Jesus-spaghetto” to reach underneath, and in-between, and touch my other spaghetti-thoughts to find my “joy-strand”.
Where is my joy?
It’s here. It may be covered up, but it’s here.
How can I activate my joy?
Praise! A Jesus-strand of praise will find it.
I continue reading in Galatians 4:
23 His son by the slave woman was born according to the flesh, but his son by the free woman was born as the result of a promise.
28 Now you… like Isaac, are children of promise.
31 … we are not children of the slave woman, but of the free.
I am a child of promise!!
Even before I was formed, God called me, God chose me, God loved me. I am His child – I am a child of promise!
Now before you start sending me “corrections” – I do know that Paul is talking to the Galatians about law & legalism versus freedom & grace.
And to be sure, legalism has taken away the joy of a lot of Christians.
But I can also see that this is calling me to freedom even in how I live “in the Spirit”. For if I am constantly being dragged back into pain and sorrow and worry – what happens to my joy?! I've either lost it in the mix, or I've taken that joy-strand out to the side and let it get all dried up. But as a child of promise, I was never meant to lose my joy-strand. My Jesus-strand IS my Joy-strand. I just need to keep Him mixed up into all my other spaghetti-thoughts. And that is an advantage after all.
So Lord, I ask for Your help – maybe more than help – I might need a miracle. I need “the mind of Christ”, I need “the strength of Christ”, but I also need “the joy of Christ”. Please fill me. Today. Now. Find in me that Jesus-strand that can get swirled around into all my spaghetti-thoughts – and fill my heart and mind with YOUR Joy! I believe as a child of promise – You WILL do that for me! Amen.
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