~ written by Connie Dunmyer
There’s a verse that the Lord keeps driving me towards. I’m sure you’ve read it in my previous blogs:
"So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen, since what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal" – 2 Corinthians 4:18
This verse refers to our spirits and what we focus on while undergoing trials and problems. However, having just gone through eye surgery, I am learning there is a physical aspect to this verse as well. And as He so often does, God is using the physical to remind me, to encourage me, and to teach me in my spiritual world – in my relationship with Him.
After surgery, my eyes will still not “work together”. In fact, it may take weeks or months to improve. Everything on the left is blurry. The right eye cannot compensate. It creates headaches, dizziness and even some nausea.
This is not unlike what happens when I tend to “fix our eyes” on the problem, rather than on Jesus. Or perhaps I am fixing my gaze upon sin – things I know to be wrong, but I enjoy it. So then I try to go back and forth – turning from the problem or the sin back to Jesus and then back to the problem again. Back and forth I go. And I get dizzy. My head hurts. There have been times it has made me sick to my stomach. And then I complain that I cannot discern what Jesus is telling me, as though it was His fault, rather than my own for putting my focus on the wrong thing – on ANYthing that is not Jesus.
The day before surgery I was pretty nervous. I told Jesus I really needed some peace. And He sent me to Psalm 139:1-4. Below is my prayer and conversation with Jesus regarding my need. But it’s also anyone’s prayer who may be going through a “dark place” or a “dizzy time” in spiritual vision.
Psalm 139:1-4
1 O Lord, You have searched me and you know me.
2 You know when I sit and when I rise; you perceive my thoughts from afar.
3 You discern my going out and my lying down; you are familiar with all my ways.
4 Before a word is on my tongue you know it completely, O Lord.
Lord, You know me inside and out and You know all my fears and trepidations.
You know when I sit and rise. And even though it hasn’t happened yet – You are there. In my future. Already at my surgery – already preparing the surgeon and others. You have prepared my eye. You are holding me close. I am nervous. The idea of being awake is scary. Real scary. Help me with this.
You are in my future – already there where I’m going to have to sit and lay face down for 3 days and nights. You already know my thoughts and how it’s going to affect me.
You discern my lying down. You’re already there. You know if I’m going to be able to sleep or not. If I’ll be in pain or not. You don’t come at these things from a defensive posture (like after the fact). Rather, You are already working on those things for me. And so I am going to trust that You will help me sleep. AND that You will help me lay on my sides, not my back, when that time comes as well.
You didn’t only create this body, and its cells, YOU FILL IT – It’s YOURS! You feel my heartburn, my reflux, neck and back muscles that will strain from being face-forward after surgery.
You are not only “everywhere” AROUND me – but You are “everywhere” IN me. THUS You know my very thoughts and what I’m going to do or say before I do so. Before I ever complain – BEFORE I EVER EVEN ASKED FOR HEALING OR COMFORT – You knew – You KNOW it completely.
You know the words I’m trying to find but can’t. You’re in my fingertips that type prayers and praise to You. Even the praise that is yet to come!
And because of that – You will NOT allow me to perish except by Your word. So like the disciples in the boat, I tend to be fearful of the storm [of the surgery]. But You will not allow me to perish in this storm.
You want me to REST as You did. Literally. The wind and waves obey You, and so must the storm in my life. Why should I fear? I should not. I shall not.
Father, I know You don’t always heal outright. Sometimes You want me to go THROUGH things WITH You. And I can see how that creates more dependence and trust. But I would be remiss if I did not verbalize my prayer request that YOU heal my eye because I know You can and even at this moment – I give You all the praise. Nevertheless, not my will but thine be done. For I know, I have seen, how You perform miracles THROUGH things, not just away from them. And I know Your hand and touch will be upon me – no matter what.
To be honest, I was still scared when I walked into the surgery center. But Jesus gave me help and a peace that passes all understanding. And in each moment after, when I thought I couldn’t take another second on my stomach, or when I thought my back was going to spasm, He loosed the knots and tension and gave me peace and SLEEP. No, it was not easy. But my focus was on Jesus. I knew HE would help me.
Whatever your storm, whatever you eye is focused on, I encourage you to put your full focus and trust on Jesus. It’s just dizziness in your future if you try to focus on both. And Jesus longs to give you rest and peace.
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