~ written by Connie Dunmyer
In John 21 Jesus asked Peter some deeply thoughtful questions. But when I studied this passage, I felt as though Jesus was sitting beside me asking ME three questions. Each one reached past the surface of the reading and into the depths of my own heart— revealing who I love, who I trust, and how I’ve changed along the way.
1. Do you love me more than these?
Three times Jesus asked Peter, “Do you love me?” The first time He said “Do you love me more than these?” Was He referring to fish? Maybe. But I imagine He was asking a deeper question. So as I prayed, I asked “What question are You asking me?” And I received a scene in my mind, of my family, my home, and the land it sits upon. And I heard “Do you love me more than these?” I did not want to answer flippantly – so I pondered the question and allowed each face and image to cross my mind’s eye.
I have prayed hard for all these people and things, for deliverance, for healings, for promises given. And it would appear that I have, at least in part, loved the gift more than the Giver. Not on purpose – but in practice. A seed in my heart of a tare, a weed of destruction that needed to be ripped from my soul. And as I honestly saw this, I cried out “Oh No, Lord! Forgive me. I do not, I will not love the gifts more than You.” For the Lord is what makes all these people and things good in my life. Without Him, they wouldn’t mean a thing. And so I relinquished each back to the Father, to do with as He pleases.
Obviously, I love my family. There’s not only nothing wrong with that, but it’s also entirely proper and holy to do so. And there’s nothing wrong with the things God has blessed me with, especially when I had prayed for them for years and believed the promise that they would come. But absolutely nothing or no one can take the place of adoration for God. “I am the Lord your God. You shall have no other gods before me.” Exodus 20:2-3 – the very first commandment. THIS is that point.
2. What is that to thee?
Back to Jesus and Peter. After Jesus implies how Peter will die, Peter looks at John and says “What about him?” And Jesus says “What’s that to you?” Essentially He said, “nunya business.”
How easy it is for me to fall into the trap of comparing my life, my troubles, my whatever with others. And to be sure – it IS a trap. For the moment I begin comparisons, one of two things happen: pride or envy. Neither option is acceptable. It’s like the question “Would you rather … fall into a swimming pool full of horse manure or a giant, overflowing port-a-potty?” And in this day of social media, the temptation to compare is thrust upon us 1440 minutes a day.
So what’s my answer? I, too, have fallen into the trap of “why do I have to go through this, and that person never seems to have any trouble at all?” If we’re honest, I dare say most of us have said that at least once. So why do I think this when I look upon another? Why do I envy what they have (or don’t have)? Or maybe less comprehendible, is why would I be proud about what I have versus what someone else has?
I think it’s lack of trust. Lack of trust in the Sovereignty of God. One might even call it “sibling rivalry”. Think about it. We are God’s kids. And just like we've experienced with our own children, there’s some push and pull between us. Doesn’t mean we don’t love each other. It’s just that we don’t think our ‘Parent’ always understands what’s going on with that other ‘kid’. If He did, He'd do things differently. So again, I have to say “Forgive me, Father. For I DO trust You. You are all-powerful and all-knowing – and so the fact that you have not yet delivered me yet means You’re not done teaching, testing, pruning, cleaning, loving me in ways I cannot understand. You’re just not finished yet.”
3. How have you been changed?
This last question is not a scripture verse, but it's about a change in one of the disciples: John. John was called a “Son of Thunder” in his early days with Jesus (Mark 3:17)... John was jealous over rival miracle workers in Mark 9:38... he wanted the best seat in the kingdom of heaven (Mark 10:35-45)... he even wanted to call down fire from heave to destroy a hostile town in Luke 9:54. So “thunder” seems applicable. However, somewhere along the line those thunderclouds broke apart. And he has become known as the “apostle of love”. John's Gospel and letters are marked by the recurring emphasis on love. He even refers to himself as “the disciple whom Jesus loved.”
So the question comes to me – how have I changed? It’s time to take an accounting. What are my measurable results? To be clear, I’m not going to do that here ... it’s kinda personal. However, I can attest that are increases of love, joy, peace, and even grace, and decreases of envy, anger and worry – all of which I consider to be steps in the right direction. Having said that, I am clearly not perfected yet. I look back on old prayers and am astonished that so many of them are prayers with the same words for the same things … and that can be discouraging. A sign that I continue to fall back into old patterns.
Deuteronomy 1:6 “The Lord our God said to us at Horeb, 'You have stayed long enough at this mountain.' Break camp and advance...” Joyce Meyer has talked about this scripture in several of her messages. We humans have a tendency to "keep wandering in the wilderness", to "keep going around the same mountains" over and over. At some point, we have to stop what we've been doing, to break old patterns, ... and begin to advance, to change, to proceed, to move forward. It's time.
There are still some mountains in my life that I’m wandering around – over and over and over and over and over again. But I am encouraged. My “thunder” can still become “love”. And I can be changed in spite of my circumstances. In fact, when I find myself in an old pattern, I am much quicker to jump out of that pattern than I used to do. Life will always happen. Habitual emotions can be tough to overcome. But my spirit can act and react differently. It IS my choice.
As I contemplate these questions I feel like I can see Jesus looking at me, with arms wide open, saying something like “You’ve almost got it, Connie. You’re almost there. Just one more step.” Help me see it. Help me take it.
My Prayer:
What do you have for me today, Lord? I have my own plans. But perhaps you have something else for me. Help me do and develop a practical faith. Help me love with the love of Jesus. Change me.
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